Mandarin Monday

And now for something completely different. A weekly-series called the Mother Tongue. We'll be examining the distinguished and fine art of the curse. And not a cursed potion of delusion, either. First up: Chinese Cursing Means Never Having To Say Anything But Fuck Your Mother. Let's begin.

If you've ever studied a foreign language, you understand just how hard it is to pick up the real language of the street. You listen to a Berlitz record, maybe take a few classes, but you still end up sounding like Joe the Plumber when you go overseas. You need that little extra oomph! to get you past the stoic textbook talk and into the realm of subtle come-ons and witty one-liners.

If you're going somewhere like China, you need to know how to curse. I learned from my father-in-law, a hardened veteran of the Nanjing Massacre, and a man who could easily massacre all of Nanjing with a few choice words. Now, you might think Asian languages are so melodic, and Asians too caught up in face to even hold a candle to an experienced American or English pottymouth. Let's go to school, shall we?

Shortly after the devastating earthquake in Szechaun, China on May 12th this year, a certain young netizen by the name of Zhang Ya took to Youtube to vent her juvie frustrations. Certainly a suicidally bad move in a country of that size. Take a look.

Now...go grab a Chinese-speaking friend because you're in for a treat. For anyone who's ever hated and despised someone on the internet...this one's for you!