Saturday, June 20, 2015

Celebrity OSR Jeopardy


(Jeopardy intro theme)

Alex Trebek: Welcome back to OSR Celebrity Jeopardy. We've got a very tight contest tonight. In second place with -$43,500 is publisher James Raggi the Fourth.

Raggi: (flips the bird) Because fuck you Alex, that's why!

Alex: Wonderful. And in first place with -$5,250 is author Geoffrey McKinney.

McKinney: Thank you Alex. And I'd like to say hello to all my prepubescent and nubile young fans.

Alex: (grimacing) And in last place, with -$55,002 is webmaster and fellow Canadian, John Tarnowski. John, what is that you're smoking?

Tarnowski: It's a pipe Alex packed full of a pungent mix of Pundejo's Gold No. 7 and Big Purple Nut Gone Flake.

Alex: (deep sigh) Okayyyy...here are the categories for Double Jeopardy. They are: Potent Potables, German US Relations, Dungeon or Dragon. If you pick that category you will see a photo and must identify if it is a dungeon or a dragon. Next we have Dice With 4 Sides, TSR History, and finally Words that End with -phile. Geoffrey McKinney, you're in the lead, so you can pick first. May I suggest Dungeon or Dragon?

McKinney: No, I don't want that one. I'll take Words that End in -phile for $600 Alex.

Alex: OK. The answer is 'Gary Glitter'.

(Tarnowski buzzes in)


Alex: John Tarnowski.

Tarnowski: What is RPG.net

Alex: I'm sorry, that is incorrect.
 

(Raggi buzzes in)

Alex: James?

Raggi: What is a fucking audiophile, Alex.

Alex: No, sorry, that answer is also incorrect. Geoffrey, would you like to answer?

McKinney: Uhm, uh, what is a Part-Time Maths Tutor?

Alex: No, the correct question is 'What is a Pedophile?'. Let's just move on. James Raggi, you pick a category.

Raggi: (laying nude on the podium with a dice bag carefully concealing his pubic area) Bite me, Alex.

Alex: (long sigh) Ok. Would you like to pick a category?

Raggi: (grabbing his crotch) Why don't you pick some of this, Alex?

Alex: I'll take that as a 'No'. So, let's just go to TSR History for $200. The answer is 'The inventor of the first roleplaying game.'
 

(Tarnowski buzzes in)

Alex: John?

Tarnowski: Who is RPGPundit?

Alex: No, sorry, that answer is incorrect.
 

(McKinney buzzes in)

Alex: Geoffrey, do have an answer?

McKinney: Who is John Wayne Gacy?

Alex: No, sorry, again that is incorrect. The correct question is Who is Gary Gygax? So, Mr. Raggi, would you like to pick a category?

Raggi: Yes, Alex, I'll take Germ Anus Relations for $800, Alex.

Alex: (another deep sigh) No, James, that is German US Relations and you know it. Let's just go to Final Jeopardy, shall we? The category is 'Basic Dungeons & Dragons'. And the question is 'What is a monster with only 1 hit point?'

(Final Jeopardy music plays and finishes)

Alex: Ok, let's see what kind answers we have. James Raggi the Fourth wrote: 'My wife' And he wagered...'All her money.' Inspiring.
And Mr McKinney wrote: 'A pale-skinned 12 year old girl with long blond hair and budding young nipples' And he wagered...'25 years to life.' Also incorrect.
Finally, John Tarnowski, let's see what you wrote. 'Social Justice Warriors' and you wagered 'Oodles and oodles of paranoid delusion'. Again, incorrect.
Well, that's about all the time we have. Join us next time on Celebrity OSR Jeopardy, I'm Alex Trebek and goodnight.
 

(Jeopardy outro theme)

8 comments:

Kent said...

Your hounding of Geoffrey McKinney strikes me as being no different to the behaviour of the ignorant housewives of america reacting to D&D and Black Sabbath as vehicles for devil worship. Are you too a stupid fat old woman who can't distinguish fantasy from reality?

You went to the far east to fuck tiny childlike women. right? Is that why you are nervously harping on?

Kellri said...

Kent, your reputation speaks for itself, as does your monumental lack of anything approaching a sense of humor. Don't be a kent.

Kent said...

--your reputation speaks for itself

Most gracious and correct, proceed

--monumental lack of anything approaching a sense of humor

How quickly you change your tune. I have startled you.

Kellri said...

So which forums have you not been banned from?

Kent said...

None involuntarily.

It is intriguing to me that 'being banned' from a gaming forum for gleefully insulting morons is to some fruitcakes a sign of disgrace. Take a look at my last post in K&KA where I mock you fruits for trying to rat out someone who is using the TSR trade dress -- oh my god !! So important !! Ban him !!

At the same time everything you assemble for your pdfs is derivative. Like I said, intriguing and especially amusing as you consider yourself a satirist while behaving just like any other amusing osr lad. Keep going !!

Kellri said...

Ok then. I'll leave you to YDIS and your fruitless attempts to construct a coherent dick joke.

Falconer said...

Here you go, Kent: http://smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/pickle-day-may-keep-your-anxiety-bay-180955661/?no-ist

Kent said...

Kellri is starting to grow on me but you Falconer are no doubt still daft as a brush.