Alex Trebek: Welcome back to OSR Celebrity Jeopardy. We've got a very tight contest tonight. In second place with -$43,500 is publisher James Raggi the Fourth.
Raggi: (flips the bird) Because fuck you Alex, that's why!
Alex: Wonderful. And in first place with -$5,250 is author Geoffrey McKinney.
McKinney: Thank you Alex. And I'd like to say hello to all my prepubescent and nubile young fans.
Alex: (grimacing) And in last place, with -$55,002 is webmaster and fellow Canadian, John Tarnowski. John, what is that you're smoking?
Tarnowski: It's a pipe Alex packed full of a pungent mix of Pundejo's Gold No. 7 and Big Purple Nut Gone Flake.
Alex: (deep sigh) Okayyyy...here are the categories for Double Jeopardy. They are: Potent Potables, German US Relations, Dungeon or Dragon. If you pick that category you will see a photo and must identify if it is a dungeon or a dragon. Next we have Dice With 4 Sides, TSR History, and finally Words that End with -phile. Geoffrey McKinney, you're in the lead, so you can pick first. May I suggest Dungeon or Dragon?
McKinney: No, I don't want that one.
Alex: OK. The answer is 'Gary Glitter'.
(Tarnowski buzzes in)
Alex: John Tarnowski.
Tarnowski: What is RPG.net
Alex: I'm sorry, that is incorrect.
Raggi: What is a fucking audiophile, Alex.
Alex: No, sorry, that answer is also incorrect. Geoffrey, would you like to answer?
McKinney: Uhm, uh, what is a Part-Time Maths Tutor?
Alex: No, the correct question is 'What is a Pedophile?'. Let's just move on. James Raggi, you pick a category.
Raggi: (laying nude on the podium with a dice bag carefully concealing his pubic area) Bite me, Alex.
Alex: (long sigh) Ok. Would you like to pick a category?
Raggi: (grabbing his crotch) Why don't you pick some of this, Alex?
Alex: I'll take that as a 'No'. So, let's just go to TSR History for $200. The answer is 'The inventor of the first roleplaying game.'
Tarnowski: Who is RPGPundit?
Alex: No, sorry, that answer is incorrect.
Alex: Geoffrey, do have an answer?
McKinney: Who is John Wayne Gacy?
Alex: No, sorry, again that is incorrect. The correct question is Who is Gary Gygax? So, Mr. Raggi, would you like to pick a category?
Raggi: Yes, Alex, I'll take Germ Anus Relations for $800, Alex.
Alex: (another deep sigh) No, James, that is German US Relations and you know it. Let's just go to Final Jeopardy, shall we? The category is 'Basic Dungeons & Dragons'. And the question is 'What is a monster with only 1 hit point?'
(Final Jeopardy music plays and finishes)
Alex: Ok, let's see what kind answers we have. James Raggi the Fourth wrote: 'My wife' And he wagered...'All her money.' Inspiring.
And Mr McKinney wrote: 'A pale-skinned 12 year old girl with long blond hair and budding young nipples' And he wagered...'25 years to life.' Also incorrect.
Finally, John Tarnowski, let's see what you wrote. 'Social Justice Warriors' and you wagered 'Oodles and oodles of paranoid delusion'. Again, incorrect.
Well, that's about all the time we have. Join us next time on Celebrity OSR Jeopardy, I'm Alex Trebek and goodnight.